I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
