look no pants
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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