Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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