All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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