3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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