We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
