Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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