do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
