My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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