Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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