so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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