Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
