I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't deserve a penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
