Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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