I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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