I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
