How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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