If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
