I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
