sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
