So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my poor anus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
