Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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