when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
