who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
