it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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