I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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