I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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