Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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