escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
