On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
