...so i touched it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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