remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
