My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
