THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
