4 words: hood of his car
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
