What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
