no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
