could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
