Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she peed on how many people?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
