At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
