Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
