I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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