Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
