No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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