Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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