just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
