I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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