i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
