gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Welp...herpes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
