Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
