So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
