dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
