Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
