Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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