if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
