WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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