I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
