Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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