it glows. i had to have it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
