she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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