sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
