That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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