Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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