I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
