He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
