Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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