Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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