Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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