i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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