i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
did i just pee glitter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
