I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
