Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
