Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize