you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
