I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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