Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
