I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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